Would you like to hear a secret?

Lean in real close; it’s going to blow your mind.

Women like to masturbate just as much as men do. Don’t shake your head like that! It’s the straight truth, directly from the source. The only difference between the sexual drive of a man and the sexual drive of a woman is the influence society has had on both. Men are expected to think about sex twenty-four hours a day, it gets hard wired into their brains by the time puberty comes around.

Whereas women are hard wired to be ashamed of their bodies, to keep all their woman ‘issues’ to themselves, and always, always keep themselves chaste and pure for their future husbands. They are not taught that masturbating is okay, is even healthy. Boys are excused an errant Playboy or lingerie magazine tucked beneath their mattresses, but young girls would never be permitted the ownership of a vibrator at the time in their lives they need it the most.

We harm our children every day, by telling them at a young age that sex is dirty, or wrong, or something they shouldn’t know about. And we harm ourselves if we actually believe it.

Most grown women do not understand – nor do they want to understand – their own bodies. Sexual repression is encouraged in women to promote fidelity, when in actuality it mostly serves to derail self-confidence and makes sex into a burden rather than the gift it’s meant to be.

Most girls go through puberty around the age of thirteen; if you look at the statistics on teen pregnancy these days, it’s utterly shocking how young girls are now when they become sexually active. With hormones raging through their bodies, girls have no healthy outlet, and therefore end up giving in to the mysterious feelings coursing through them, usually with the first boy that pays them a great deal of attention.

What is it, exactly, that people find so distasteful about women masturbating? It’s an excellent stress reliever, it shows a connection to ones own body and emotions, and generally leaves you with a sense of well-being – or at least, it should. Unfortunately, society has attempted – and for the most part, succeeded – in turning it into a shameful act that most women try to hide they participate in as much as possible.

Single or married, most women have a reason to be ashamed they own a vibrator – if they’re single, it’s because they aren’t attractive enough to get a man to do the job for them, and if they’re married, it becomes disrespectful to her husband to require the use of a sexual aid other than him. Some women have even reported that they feel having an orgasm without their husband is akin to cheating.

To that I say: hogwash! And trust me, no one’s husband considers a visit with his right hand adultery.

So the question becomes, why are women unwilling – or is it unable? – to wrest control over their bodies, and their own pleasure, back from the brink?

Society and religion can be blamed in large part, for reasons already mentioned, and more to come. Religions texts through history, beginning with the Bible, have blamed women, and their sexuality, however cloaked the metaphor may be, with the ruination of everything. Eve’s inability to resist temptation is, after all, why we no longer live in Eden, is it not?

The allegory exists today. Men are lauded, patted on the back, and called a ’stud’ if their sexual conquests are numerous. Women who have multiple sexual partners are sneered at, scorned and avoided by other women, and if the speaker is using the nicest term possible, called a ’slut.’ The double standard is almost sickening, and it contributes to the overall perspective that a woman’s pleasure is dirty, wrong, and immoral, unless she is sharing it with her husband. Because, after all, a woman only wants a sexual release if love is involved.

Again, I must add: hogwash!

Okay, so maybe I’ve convinced you now, and you’re ready to reject shame and enjoy all the secrets your body is begging you to learn. First, let’s establish this: there is no right and wrong way to masturbate. Every woman is different, and you may find erogenous zones not in a manual. While a vibrator is incredibly helpful in achieving an orgasm, the clitoris and vulva are not the only parts of a woman’s body that will lead her to orgasm.

Touching yourself is not wrong. Enjoying that touch is not wrong. Start by feeling yourself out, literally – see what feels good, and do more of it. Experiment with positions – use vibrators or dildos in concert with your own hands. Mounting sex toys to pillows, or even walls, can allow for a pleasurable experience that more closely resembles traditional intercourse. Some women prefer the feeling of a vibrator alone, simply because it doesn’t resemble traditional intercourse in any way.

If you enjoy taking long showers or baths, and the shower head is your best friend, continue to use it. But don’t limit your time with yourself to a place where you feel hidden, or ashamed. Embrace your body in your own bed and enjoy yourself to the fullest extent.

Most of all, this should not be a shore. Masturbation should not be something you are compelled to do out of obligation, or not do out of fear or shame. Listen to your body’s needs. It is perfectly natural if your body is aroused more than once a day, just as it’s perfectly natural if it isn’t. The key is to let go of everything you think you’re supposed to believe about masturbation and re-learn from the ground up. You won’t regret it for a second.

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Tags: clitoris, hormones, orgasm, Playboy, Sex Toys, sexual aid, Sexual repression, Society and religion, vibrator, vulva